How strange it feels to see yourself from a distance and realize – ohh, who are you? What are you doing here?
The aching heart doesn’t even know the tunes its dancing to, and where its leading to. Walking through the unknowns all the time, its not an adventure but more of an ignorant soul inside.
It started one of winters, lost in the never ending conversations was a sigh of relief somewhere, a path not decided still taken. He put his arm behind me, gently holding and firmly sliding, it felt comforting like never before. Unknowingly ignoring the subtle voices from inside, I went along the loud music outside. Before I knew it, it had already amazed me and I was captured by the moments.
Unable to pull myself back, it started happening everyday, each day even more enchanting than the previous one, with the sips of tea on cold winter mornings, alone we were, just the perfect of the scenes as I’d otherwise imagine.
It went on, a year and other, slowly making me believe the fantasy into reality, one of the best times though but I still had this fear inside, and it wasn’t like me, somewhere something not in lines with who I was. Intimately becoming his, though completely into him, I could still feel the wave inside.
Years passed, without me realizing the inside wave grew into a big storm, and bang!! It happened, I could now see losing myself, turning into someone ordinary and below, unable to take control, spiralling down with guilt and fright, here I was, looking into the mirror and wondering is this me?
A strange relation void of love yet paramount example of togetherness, feels toxic more than relieving, created a new version of me thats inferior and cries deeper to not be heard.
Gathering some courage, treating myself cheerfully, here I want to start again, here I want to live again, here I want to begin the discovery of the always imagined “me”, a badass taking on life in stride and being the superior of all leaders, finding new confidence, breaking the shackles, I make this move and finally I reach rhe door of life, only to realize I have misplaced the key.
Counseling myself every night here I go from dawn to dusk in a monotony ride, now beginning th search for key.